I am not exaggerating when I tell you that this episode could transform your life! I speak from personal experience because the practice I am going to tell you about changed mine. This will be the first of an Enneagram series where I talk about the struggles of all nine types, how those struggles effect our thoughts and feelings and then how you can reframe the thoughts and coach your children to do the same.

I started a podcast in mid April 2024 called Not So Normal Parenting. There are some episodes there that are not on this channel so check it out if you are a fan of Myers Briggs and the Enneagram. You can also grab a copy of my best selling book ebtitled Your Child’s Inner Drive: Parenting by Personality from Toddlers toTeens. I was a facilitator for team building and realized I could use these amazing tools with my own family team since I was parenting a son and daughter who were as different as Bob Ross and the Black Widow, you can check out my interview with them on the channel. My daughter is an ISTP type 8, my son is an ISFJ Type 9 and I am an ENFJ Type 4. Since parents are like the Ceo’s of their fmily, I work with them to help them see the connections and disconnections in their brain wiring.Parenting isn’t intuitive if you have kids who are your opposites! You can check out my work, blog and get a free child temperament test at WendyGossett.com

Did you know you have over 60,000 thoughts every single day buzzing around your head? That's a lot to keep track of! Some of us are completely unaware of what is going on inside of our head. This is unwise, considering the fact that our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings determine our actions. In fact, all your emotions, good, bad, happy and sad are 100% generated by your thoughts. Your unconscious thoughts are sort of like an unsupervised West Highland White terrior in a closet full of shoes and flip flops. Oh that example sounds sort of specific? That’s because my Westie, Milo, loved to chew and sever the toe piece of all our flip flops. All I needed to do was to be aware of where the flip flops were at all times, even in the middle of summer; and where Milo was, even though he was a crazy puppy with Zoomies, so that the destruction did not occur. Not an easy task! Just like being aware of all 60,000 thoughts every day is not easy either. In episode 12 and 3 I give an introduction to an amazing tool for growing human potential called the Enneagram. This tool is dependent upon thought awareness. Why? Because being aware and then reframing your thought patterns is the single most powerful way to change your life for the better! Later in this episode I am going to give very specific examples of what a type 9 Peacemaker parent’s mind struggles with, how these thoughts negatively effect their feelings and how the thoughts can be reframed to turn the feeling around. I will then teach any parent how to coach their type 9 child using powerful questions generated by the Enneagram.

Love this lady, love this podcast!

Wendy Gossett speaks with such honesty and says it like it is!! I love how real she is and how open her family is to helping others understand one another. I have never heard such powerful insight into how we operate as unique individuals. After reading Wendy’s book “Your Child’s Inner Drive” and working with Wendy To better appreciate the personalities of my children, we have so much more peace and unity in our family relationships!! I can now honor my teens for who they are and how God created them instead of feel frustrated by our differences. I am so happy she now has a podcast so I can continue to get a dose of her wisdom and teaching! May everyone be blessed as they learn this life giving tool for all relationships.

William James a philosopher and psychologist, regarded as one of the most influential figures in the development of modern psychology said that. "The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." - William James

My thought patterns were extremely damaging and involved comparison and shame. I will do an entire episode on the Type 4 and Type 3 which are my main types, but in a nutshell, These thoughts caused me to feel depressed and since a Type 4 fixates on their feelings, I could go into a funk that was hard to shake. But I began the practice of being conscious of my thoughts, taking every thought captive and reframing those thoughts to God’s truth about how He sees me.

So, here's is how you can begin to supervise those thoughts that are zooming around in your head. Begin by simply asking yourself, "What am I thinking?" on a regular basis.  It's like a little mental check-in that can make a really big difference. You can also let your feelings tell you when to check in on your thoughts. If all of a sudden you begin to feel a tightening in your chest or a twisting in your gut, it is time to press rewind on your thoughts and ask yourself what negative thought created the negative feeling. The Enneagram gives all of us clues into what these negative thoughts might be so they are easier to recognize and bring into consciousness. I am going to do 8 more episodes for every type, to uncover the biggest struggle of each and all the thoughts that revolve around it.

If you have never done this before, I challenge you to keep a thought journal for a week. When you ask yourself the question, “What am I thinking?” grab a pen and paper and let your thoughts flow. Write whatever comes to mind without stopping, no filtering, just get it all out. It will be sort of like cleaning out your closet. What are the thoughts you want to wear and what are the thoughts that need to get bagged up and sent to Goodwill or sold on Ebay if you have clothes that someone else would actually want. My Lululemon wearers know! I still don’t wear Lulu even though I get a 30% discount for being a fitness instructor. So purge your mind of the negative thoughts so you can make room for the new positive ones you are going to create. So the first question to ask is “What am I thinking?”

Next up, ask yourself, "Why am I choosing to think this?" This helps you realize that it's not your circumstances that are forcing you feel a certain way, it's your thoughts about those circumstances. Sometimes, our reasons for thinking certain thoughts are a bit off-base, so this question can help straighten things out. The Enneagram tells us what are well worn unconscious thought patterns are. In episode 3 and 12, we talk about the fixations of each type which can also help you identify these unconscious habitual thought patterns. SO again, the second question is, “Why am I choosing to think this?”

Next,, check in with yourself and ask, "How does this thought feel?" Pay attention to your emotions because they're little warning lights, sort of like “the low fuel light in your car” telling you if a thought is helpful or not. If it doesn't feel good, maybe it's time to let go or reframe that thought.

And again, if you're feeling a bit off but not sure why, ask yourself, "What's the thought behind this feeling?" It's a sneaky way to peek into your mind and understand what's really going on in there.

Oh, and here's a powerful one: "How do I want to feel?" Reminding yourself that you're in control of your feelings by choosing your thoughts can be a game-changer. Knowing how you want to feel can kickstart some serious action, even if it's just changing your mindset.

So let’s dive into what this looks like for a Type 9 parent or a Type 9 child or spouse. Type Nines are Peacemakers so their false identity is that they are never in conflict. They fixate on the external world around them, seeing every little detail, so they don’t have to focus on their internal, less than peaceful thoughts. A Type 9’s struggle is sloth. You know sloth, like the adorable cousin of the anteater that moves really slooooow. Sloth is not laziness but more a hesitation to take action, driven by their desire for harmony. They may procrastinate or avoid decisions that could disrupt peace. Think of them as easygoing and chill, but sometimes slow to start on big tasks. They're not lazy; they just prefer to avoid conflict and maintain balance. Here are some negative thoughts the Type 9 Peacemaker in your life might have:

Type Nine Negative Thoughts:

• "My opinions and desires don't matter as much as others'."


• "I must avoid conflict at all costs to maintain peace."


• "I fear being seen as assertive or confrontational."


• "I'm responsible for keeping everyone happy and harmonious."


• "I'm not important enough to speak up or assert myself."


• "If I express my needs, I'll burden others and disrupt the harmony."


• "I'm afraid of expressing disagreement because it might lead to rejection or abandonment."


• "I often feel overlooked or invisible in social situations."


• "I'm afraid of making decisions because I don't want to upset anyone."


• "I feel guilty when prioritizing my own needs over others'."


• "I constantly second-guess myself and doubt my own worth."


• "I often feel overwhelmed by the needs and expectations of others."

Negative Emotions for Type 9:

Avoidance, frustration or stagnation since their main focus is avoiding conflict.

They may struggle with making decisions or asserting their own preferences, leading to feelings of indecisiveness or being overlooked.

Type 9s may suppress their own needs and desires to maintain harmony, leading to feelings of resentment towards others who seem more assertive or self-centered.

They may feel passive or powerless in their own lives, allowing others to make decisions for them or feeling overshadowed by more dominant personalities.

Type 9s may neglect their